my day starts the night before. i have good intentions.
wake up at 6, before the kids, get some coffee, read my Bible. maybe even do my CBS study so i don’t rush the night before to finish it.
but then the night is full of interruptions. the baby wakes at midnight with a fever of 104.7. motrin given, nurse him back to sleep, then try to get back to sleep.
next it’s stinkerbell coughing so much she is throwing up. albuterol treatment followed by 45 minutes or so of cuddle time because she is too wired to sleep.
next it is the dog wanting to go out. i nudge the KISA, but the sleep is still interrupted.
6 am comes.... and goes.
now the kids are the ones to wake me up at about 7ish. the KISA still is sleeping, and since he has to work, i don’t feel like i can nudge him again. so i get up.
no coffee on board, and certainly no WORD to refresh me. no quiet time. and it is quite obvious that my day is gong to go badly.
it isn’t even 7:15 and i have yelled at everyone but the baby (who isn’t really a baby at 22 months). and even he is pushing my buttons.
this mom is irritated, and not showing much gratitude to the One who made the day. cuz it just doesn’t look like that great of a day.
it progresses much the same. children being, well, kids. not really being bad or disobedient... just childish. can’t handle it. drink coffee, another cup. but don’t feel like being nice to anyone. don’t even realize how mean i am being until later in the day when i yell about how it shouldn’t be that hard to obey, for goodness’ sake!
make dinner, with everyone in their perspective time out spots, because i just cannot handle them all together in the same room. the noise is just too much.
i end the night in front of the big one-eyed monster...the TV, because i just cannot get motivated to do any of the piles of laundry, let alone interact with my husband because, well, my irriatation with him is through the roof as well (and not any of it is his fault).
off to bed, waaaaay too late, feeling guilty about how the day went. now throwing a pity party because i am such a failure as a wife and mom.
and so the cycle goes.
i would like to say that the day described above doesn’t happen very often. but, unfortunately, it is more the norm than a rarity. where the heck does it all go wrong?? what on earth am i doing, or NOT doing, that turns me into a 3 headed monster.
it is the NOT doing that is getting me. NOT spending time in the WORD on a daily basis is literally hardening my heart toward all things good. NOT spending time praying (and those little “help me not kill this child” don’t really count as prayer time) and seeking HIS will for the day is setting me up for failure every time. because i keep trying to go through my day on my own strength.
and my own strength is absolutely pathetic. and every time i lean on my own understanding i misinterpret everything around me. i blame others for irritating me, and don’t accept that maybe, just maybe, i am more irritated with me and just taking it out on them.
i am thirsty. and i need to drink from the living water, not the kitchen sink. because one is merely sustaining, while the other is fulfilling.
i need to fill my well, not merely skim off the top of the rain water barrel. so that when the rain hasn’t been around for a while, there is water down deep, a reserve to continue drinking from.
how about you? is there water in your well? or are you in a drought?