avoidance and change

i have been avoiding my blog.

we have so much going on right now, i have not wanted to stop and process it.

everything seems to be coming to a head, and i do NOT want to stop and think.

cuz it hurts.

changes are coming and they are drastic.

change #1. we are relocating. not just changing houses, but across a few states.

i guess i shouldn't complain too much about this one. at least we have a place to go to instead of just losing our home and having to rent (which we couldn't qualify for now anyway) or live with some kind-hearted soul who doesn't mind my four VERY loud kids. we know we have church family here who would open their doors in a heartbeat, but that always proves to strain friendships over time.

we kept our home in colorado, and so we are able to pick up and move back.

this is a good thing for a lot of reasons. we will have a bigger house with a full basement and a huge utility area with an oversized 2 car garage. best thing about the house is the YARD!! the development we live in here has very little yard with NO landscaping. we have huge trees in our other home and a play structure and bushes and, according to the boys, the best part is the snails, slugs and worms that can be found year round :)

at least the kids are excited!

change #2

i have to go back to work full-time. at least for now. the KISA is starting a CFO business, and it will take a while to get it going. although, at least in CO he already has a great network. and it seems like it is all about who you know. he has a good head start there. here it is like being a minnow in a huge ocean with thousands of other minnows all looking for the same food (yes, i know there are lots of problems with that analogy). the competition there is a lot less numerous.

i am at odds with this change #2. i am heartbroken that i will not be at home 24-7 to care for my children. i feel fortunate that my KISA will be home when i am not, but that is still not a replacement for MOMMY. i am grateful that i am an RN and jobs are easier to find (not as easy as it used to be, but it is still easier than most professions). i am hoping to work at the same hospital i did several years ago.

i have laid my desires at the foot of the cross, however, and i am trusting that HE knows more than me, and that HE will bring us through this. we will be stronger on the other side. i will have more faith in HIS provision. my husband will know that i will stick by him, just like our vows said : for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse.

as i sort through more, i will probably post more. forgive the crazy ramblings. if i don't make a whole lot of sense, well, that is because it doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me.

change #1 brings about a whole host of other problems with it:

• being nearer to my family (parents and sib)

• leaving a solid, reformed church with genuine worship

• leaving an amazing support system that has lifted us up in all ways imaginable

• new homeschooling laws

• less homeschooling support

• a need to be WAY more organized so that our schooling doesn't fall behind

• a need to be a better housekeeper and meal planner so that life continues smoothly

• a need to declutter and pack and throw away and give away

and a NEED to grow closer to the Father... i cannot let the busy-ness of this time rob me of what is most important.

i am sure there is so much more, but i cannot wrap my heart around it yet, let alone my head.