the big pink elephant

 

it is the day after christmas.

i survived the day with my family.  but it wasn’t easy.

we started off the day at about 0930.  the roads were slick with snow covered ice.  about 15 minutes into the drive we discovered that our windshield wipers weren’t working properly.  we had no wiper fluid coming out at all.  this has happened to us once before, and it turned out the fuse had blown.  same issue now.  so, everytime a car passed us, it kicked up dirt and snow, and it left a brown film on the windshield we could not get off.  so we had to pull over every now and again to clean it off by hand with an increasingly grimy towel. 

we got to my parents after a few slip and slides.  they live about 80 miles from us, 10 or so of it is dirt road, a few hairpin turns, big trucks driving overconfidently.  we pulled into their drive and i breathed a sigh of relief.  my sister’s car wasn’t in sight, so i knew she wasn’t there yet.  i could relax.  the knots in my stomach had been wreaking havoc the whole drive.

i had to use the bathroom pretty badly (shame on me for drinking my 2 cups of coffee)  so i ran into the house right after we pulled in.  there on the couch is my sister, greeting me with a “Merry Christmas” and a big smile.

wha??? i thought she was done with me.   i ran into the bathroom and sat down, very puzzled.  i was taken quite off guard and didn’t know how to respond. 

when i got back out to the living room, my KISA and kids were in, and everyone was greeting everyone.  small talk... how were the roads? how did the kids do for the drive?  how much snow did you get? blah, blah, blah.

the rest of the day was so uneventful.  she said very little to me, and i said next to nothing to her.  i distributed presents to my mom, dad, and sister.  i received a present from my mom and dad.  the kids all opened their gifts, then fell to playing with them.  the plan was to eat dinner around 2 pm, so we could be on the road shortly after 3.  my oldest sat at the adult table in the dining room and i sat at the little’s table in the kitchen.  he was thrilled to be with the grown ups and nobody even seemed to notice that i wasn’t there. 

the most awkward moment was the good-bye.  my husband distributed hugs all around, as did the kiddos.  i hugged my mom and dad, but could not bring myself to hug my sister.  i did manage to raise up my eyes to hers and say, “thank you for dinner.”  i knew she had done just about all of it without help.  if my family of 6 hadn’t been there they probably would not have gone all out. 

the drive home was quiet.  all the kids crashed and i was able to reflect on the day.

*i wasn’t able to finish this blog post when i started it.  it is now jan 3rd.  i still haven’t heard from my sister.  i don’t know if i will at all.  i am still under the impression that she won’t accept and calls or emails.  we did send a thank you letter to her and my parents.  i am no longer losing sleep over it, and it is not my every waking thought.  i am just trusting the Holy Spirit to give me the words i need when the situation arises.  i just have to remember that she doesn’t have the grace of Jesus in her heart. and that maybe it is my time to show her.