the first, and i hope the last, time

i work in an emergency room.

it is inevitable that i see things that are like indelible stains in my memory.

stories, images. sometimes they flow through my head at night at lightning speed.

sometimes they are slow motion images that haunt.

could we have done anything else?

should we have done something different?

how on earth is that family going to go home tonight and wake up in the morning and just breathe?

i had to do something for the first time in my 15+ years of nursing. 10 of which has been spent in the emergency room.

i had to participate in a code of a 12 year old boy.

a code is where the person you are caring for is no longer breathing and doesn't have a heart beat.

he was 12.

the circumstances surrounding what put him in that situation were totally accidental. wrong place, wrong time.

he was 12.

we switch off doing chest compressions every 1-2 minutes because it is exhausting.

i got to be his heart beat every few minutes.

he was 12.

i keep coming back to that because i cannot wrap my head around it.

the mother had to come in after we had done everything, everything we could have done.

she had to say good-bye.

and then go home to his room.

still a mess, probably.

maybe some dirty clothes on the floor.

some open comic books spread out.

school books in a backpack.

how on earth do you sleep after saying goodbye?

how do you even say goodbye?

i hope i never have to do that again.

time flies!!

ok. i didn't realize that it had been so long since i posted something!

we have been schooling. honest!

just not doing too much blog documentation (insert sheepish grin)

life is definitely on fast forward.

tic tac is turning 8 in a week

bonobo is just as crazy as ever

stinkerbell has way too much attitude!

and jd has learned to crawl, sit up , and this morning we noted two (!) new teeth popping through

work is keeping me super busy with new training and getting up to speed on the darn computer charting

hubby's business has 2 (yipee!!) paying clients (insert happy dance here)

all in all, a good few months. but this little blog has been neglected. *gulp*

i want to do better, really, i do. i long to be one of those mommies who can put it all together and still look awesome if you just pop in for a visit...

alas, i am not one of them (and really, i think they might only exist on the internet, anyway!)

i am messy and less than organized, and lose my temper and all that jazz. oh, well. God loves me, my hubby loves me, and my kids... well, they like me most of the time ;-)

here are some pics from the last several weeks. maybe, just maybe, i will get it together and tell you about what we have been doing :)

science lesson: how to get a big enough pile to jump in. we used all sorts of different tools to gather leaves... hands, dustpans, shovels, etc.

forming our letters with homemade playdough :)

another science lesson combined with a little life lesson. do not suction cup your forehead whilst sitting on the toilet.

cooking 101: how to clean off the beaters properly!


catching and releasing a ginormous grasshopper!

Thanksgiving Celebration

we have a lot to be thankful for

a lot

this year has been hard for us

my husband's career change

a new baby after a few months of bedrest

a move across a few states

returning to full time employment

going through our retirement funds

it has been a rough go.

but, you know what?

God has met us at every turn.

better than that..

He has gone ahead of us.

and prepared the way.

the best way, the way that He would have us go.

and for that, i am thankful.

Many blessings to you and yours. may you know the joy of Jesus Christ and know Him in a tangible way.

as we have. in the little day to day needs. like diapers and spaghetti noodles and deodorant.

and in the big needs. like monetary gifts and prayer warriors on their knees.

Happy Thanksgiving!