lost, not found

my 6 year old and i were reading Bible before bed the other night.  he has the Message for kids, which is full of good stories, engaging pictures, and good prayer prompts at the end of each story.

we read about zacchaeus, and the prayer prompt was to pray for someone we know who doesn’t believe in Jesus.  he wasn’t sure who to pray for, as most of the folks we know and fellowship with are believers (i was pretty convicted about this, more to come later).  i told him we could pray for my mom and dad and sister, his grandparents and auntie, as they did not know Jesus. 

my son let this sink in as we prayed, and suddenly, he began to cry.  heart wrenching tears, sobs even.  my husband could hear them upstairs.

it hit him like a ton of bricks.  grandma and grandpa  and auntie won’t be in heaven with us.  they would be in hell.

this child of mine is stubborn.  i have written about him in the past.  his stubbornness usually gets him into lots of trouble. but, in the midst of even the worst day, he usually surprises me with some deep insight about God.  one day, he even knelt in humility in prayer after we had had a long, difficult discipline session.  he always catches me off guard with his insight, and tonight was no exception.

he started scheming, how we could get them to come to church and have our pastor tell them about Jesus.  how we could take our bibles with us to Christmas at their house and read to them about Jesus.  how we could send them Christmas cards with Bible verses in them to tell them about Jesus.  he wants to DO something.

i told him the best thing we could do is PRAY for them, fervently.  and for as long as it takes.

he didn’t like that answer, as it didn’t involve an immediate payoff.  but we talked about how BIG God is, and how only HE can change a heart and soften it toward the Good News of Jesus. 

Fast forward two days.  my dad was here for a quick visit while my mom was in the hospital for an outpatient procedure.  on the way out, my 6 year old boy, unashamed of the gospel of Jesus Christ, asks my dad the question i have never had the courage to ask:

Grandpa, why don’t you believe in Jesus?

what followed was a bunch of awkward silence from me, dagger looks from my dad to me as he said “Who said i don’t believe in Jesus?  I believe there is something up there.”  and a quick exit on his part. 

i have no idea how my dad feels about that question, other than to be really angry it was even asked at all.  my dad does believe in something, just not the gospel truth of Jesus coming to earth and dying for our sins.  he believes you get to heaven if you are “good enough” and he doesn’t think he is good enough.

my son, my bold, stubborn, beautiful child, broke through a wall that day. 

i fear for our visit on Christmas day.  all of my children are now plotting to share the truth of Jesus to my family.  i have no idea how it will be received, what my parents will say in response, or how injured my children will feel if hurtful things are said. 

i have no idea how to prepare them for the possibility that their words will not be received with grateful hearts.  that they may not accept Jesus as their Savior. 

i feel like i am rambling here.. i guess i am writing this simply to ask for prayer.  prayer that tender hearts won’t get trampled on as they witness to loved ones.  prayer that their words would be received by open and softened hearts.  prayer that i would be bold, like them, and stop fearing the worst.  prayer that i would not be ashamed of the gospel. 

 

If anyone is ashamed of me and my words, the Son of Man will be ashamed of him when he comes in his glory and in the glory of the Father and of the holy angels. Lk 9:26

sheltering his heart

my heart is breaking for my dear little boy. 

the one who isn’t so little anymore.

the one who like to pour through any and all books.

he was looking through a collection of New York Times front pages today. it is a book his daddy got as a present several years ago.  it is truly fascinating to look through, and he does so often.

today, i heard him quietly crying from the downstairs. 

i called to him, and he said it was something he had to show me, he couldn’t explain.

i went down to him and he showed me a picture of a building that had been bombed.  below that graphic picture was a horrifying picture of a man holding a small child, not more than a few months old. 

the man was cradling a limp child and getting ready to hand the babe over to an EMS worker.

even in black and white it was evident there was blood on both the man and child.

and my own child had tears streaming down his face.

oh, that i could protect him from the terrors of this world.  that i could shelter him from the evil things that people do to each other.

but i cannot.  bad things happen.  our family will likely survive a tragedy of some sort.  probably not on such a grand scale, but a tragedy nonetheless. 

how do i prepare his young heart and mind to absorb it all? 

we don’t watch TV, they don’t see the news, and they rarely hear anything other than HisKids or audio books. 

but i still cannot protect him from everything.

i had to tell him that i was sorry he had to see that picture, but that bad things happen.  evil exists in this world because of the fall.  we live in a sinful world.

the good news, i told him, lies in Jesus Christ.  that He came to save us from our own sin, from our own selves.  He lived a sinless life, died a horrible death, and was resurrected by the Father God.  He now stands in the gap that sin created.  He spans that great chasm for us, so that we might stand before God and be free from the wrath that comes from our sinful lives.  He takes our place. 

my son doesn’t quite understand this yet.  he wants to mete out his own justice and seek revenge on the people who caused the death and destruction he saw in those images.  i can only pray that i will continue to be able to direct him gently and show him who God is and how Jesus can be his Savior. 

that and cry with him when his heart hurts so much he cannot even find words to speak what is on his heart. 

ordering the chaos...

amidst the chaos, we have been homeschooling for a few weeks now.  in reality, we are catching up on last year’s math, writing and language arts.  we never quite finished up our curriculum from the 2010 year, so, we are hitting it hard right now to get things “caught up” so to speak.

but, we are living in chaos.  i would take a picture of it, but let’s just say, if you showed up on my doorstep right now, i would come out on the porch to talk with you rather than let you in our home.

we are a mess!  every two weeks, i frantically clean for 2 solid days while we get the house ready for our small group.  and even then it isn’t that clean. the clutter is overtaking me! 

a lot of it stems from the inability of my children (and my husband, bless him) to put their things away when they are done with them.  and my inability to make them (the kids, not the hubby) . 

so we are embarking on a few new things to get the house cleaned up.  i am going to start training the kids to clean!  i know, i know.  this is not a new topic for most of you reading this (does anyone read this?)...but i guess i have always just done things myself because it is easier.

faster.

and i don’t have to redo anything (usually).

But... NO MORE!!

every month i will train each child on one age appropriate chore.  i think this is do-able.  rather than try to eat the whole darn elephant, ya know? that way, each child will be proficient in one chore each month and we will slowly build up responsibility in each of them.

a much needed character trait.

my character will be stretched also.  i have very little patience with my children when it comes to teaching them how to clean up after themselves.  i know that i am going to have to learn how to hold my tongue and not blow my top when they don’t do as i have instructed or if it needs to be done over. 

or if they decide to use the broom as a rifle and the sponge as a missile.

i have boys, remember?

and so, i am coming up with a short list of chores for the kids to do.  as i look around the house, the major areas of need are the kitchen, bathrooms and dining room.  no surprise as we do most of our schooling in the kitchen and dining room.  laundry is also a HUGE need as things collect in various piles: clean, unclean, folded but unfolded by moose, sorted and need to be put away, etc. 

i am still contemplating who is going to get what chores, but i thought i would share this for now. 

wish me luck!!